15 weeks and counting. Today, our little one is 4 inches from top to bottom! He/she is able to sense light. How cool is that? Babies lungs are developing and his/hers eyebrows are forming. Our great God pays so much attention to detail, all the way to creating eyebrows at 15 weeks! This baby making business is nothing short of a miracle.
An exhausting miracle, but a miracle nevertheless.
When I think about this journey we are on as parents, you know the one where we will have a second child just days after (or maybe even before) our first child celebrates his 2nd birthday, I am filled with emotions.
Most days these emotions consist of excitement and anticipation. You know, the glass half full type of days. But can I be honest?
I have recently found myself in a series of, “How in the world are we going to do this?” days.
This thought has shoved its way into my mind in a variety of situations this past week. It popped up on restless nights soothing Colby back to sleep at 3 a.m. because he just decided it was time to be awake.
It surfaced as I drove away from grandparents with a screaming baby…what am I going to do when I have to drive two screaming babies?!
It came to mind as I wrangled a toddler and groceries into the car on a way too ridiculously hot summer day, praying for a third arm to pop out to help me finish the juggling act.
As these thoughts have fought hard to surface this week, I have fought hard to keep them at bay. I couldn’t help but smile to myself a few days ago right after I dug myself out of one of those, “How am I going to do this moments…”
I was instantly reminded of a very hot, very tiring, very emotional day in Haiti when I was deep in the throws of pregnancy with Colby.
I was way past the “Isn’t she cute,” pregnant days and living in the “Oh wow, how much longer will she be able to walk?” pregnant days.
I remember the scene like it was yesterday:
I was sitting in a very crowded Haitian church for the funeral service of a friend of ours. The service was stretching into the second hour and showed no signs of coming to a close. The longer I sat the warmer I became. My water bottle was empty, my “snack bag” devoured, and the sweat grew thicker and thicker across my face. I needed to get out of the church…and quick!
I quietly leaned over to Trey and told him I needed to step outside. I let him know I was fine, but it was time for me to go. I tried my best to stand up and “sneak out.”
Not only was I one of two white women in the church, I was the only one who appeared to be hiding a baby elephant under her dress, so sneaking wasn’t an option. As I shimmied out of the pew, I am ashamed to saw my rear end made contact with everyone in the pew, while my stomach rubbed the back of every head of the pew in front of me, I’m talking a minimum of 12 people. (I really wish I could say that was an exaggeration.)
I thought I would never make it out of that packed church!
I was relieved when I finally reached the courtyard of the church and quickly sought a shady spot to rest while I waited what was at least another hour for the service to end.
As I sat on the concrete outside the church in Haiti, my mind raced…how in the world did I think I was ready to have a baby?! It was all too much.
When the service finished and Trey and I were on our way home I was to the point of tears. I shared with him that I just didn’t think I could do it. I wasn’t ready to be a mom. It all felt like too much. What were we thinking?!
Without pausing for even a moment Trey responded…
“I don’t know what you are talking about, you’re already doing it.”
Truth. Bold and matter of fact, truth. I was doing it.
No, Colby was not in my arms to be held, but I was holding him in my belly. I was already a momma. Already having hard days and good days. Already doing it. It was not the time to panic, but the time to keep going. It was happening.
Y’all, I have thought about this conversation so many times this past week!
I am already a momma of two precious babies. I’m already doing restless nights. I’m already in the throws of providing order to a chaotic toddler. I’m already driving around two babies.
Now is not the time to question how it’s going to be doing, but to keep doing it.
A sweet girlfriend of mine has chosen the phrase, “Grace for Today,” for 2015. In this wild journey of pregnancy and toddlerhood I am constantly repeating this phrase. The Lords grace in the moment for my day by day is all He promises, and all I need.
Are you in a similar place? Have you asked yourself, “How in the world am I going to __________?” (you fill in the blank) within the past 24 hours?
Maybe you need to hear what I did on that sweaty day after a very long Haitian funeral service, or what I am in need of remembering day in and day out on this journey of motherhood:
You are doing it! His grace has been sufficient for you today, praise Him! Keep doing it…